when you have a nightmare, you wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream.
but what if the dreams make you revisit your pain?
what do you tell yourself?
that there are calm beaches in the midst of the nightmares?
i have them every waking moment since that ominous day.
what for?
to make my wound a little deeper each time, ready at a touch to throb angrily and ache again with the old gnawing wild pain until i can't take it anymore?
Listen To The Rain On The Roof
Every storm brings with it the hope that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again and even the most troubling stains will have disappeared.
Like the doubts over innocence.
Or the consequences of a mistake.
Like the scars of betrayal.
Or the memory of the pain.
So we wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best.
Even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away.
Like the doubts over innocence.
Or the consequences of a mistake.
Like the scars of betrayal.
Or the memory of the pain.
So we wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best.
Even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away.
Betrayed
the truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges.
and someone we care about always end up getting hurt.
and someone will revel in their pain
and that's the ugliest truth of them all.
and someone we care about always end up getting hurt.
and someone will revel in their pain
and that's the ugliest truth of them all.
Dear Self
when you face suffering, do not ask:
why does this have to happen to me?
why do i have to suffer this, now?
what have i done to deserve this?
rather ask:
what am i to do?
what am i to learn from this experience?
what am i to change?
how can i remember my many blessings in times of trials?
if you learn from your suffering, and really come to understand the lesson you were taught, you might be able to help someone else who is now in the same phase you may have just completed.
may be, that's what it is all about.
why does this have to happen to me?
why do i have to suffer this, now?
what have i done to deserve this?
rather ask:
what am i to do?
what am i to learn from this experience?
what am i to change?
how can i remember my many blessings in times of trials?
if you learn from your suffering, and really come to understand the lesson you were taught, you might be able to help someone else who is now in the same phase you may have just completed.
may be, that's what it is all about.
The Storm
the storm is about to leave.
but it will take time for the soil under my feet to dry up.
i do not want to rush.
let it dry by its pace.
and as it dry,
let me realize that i remain open to love.
but it will take time for the soil under my feet to dry up.
i do not want to rush.
let it dry by its pace.
and as it dry,
let me realize that i remain open to love.
The Meeting That Did Not Take Place
the hour of departure has arrived and we go our ways -- you to die, and i to live.
which is better God only knows.
which is better God only knows.
God knows me too well.
this is an unfashionable way to die.
so i was spared.
but i know someone else has to go to take my place.
ps.
my heart died the next day.
Destroying and Rebuilding
I do not know if I could still make something out of what was left.
Is love enough?
I need to wait for the complete absence of bitterness and rancour to know if indeed love is enough.
I'm not even supposed to make a move.
I'm too numb to lift a finger.
Is love enough?
I need to wait for the complete absence of bitterness and rancour to know if indeed love is enough.
I'm not even supposed to make a move.
I'm too numb to lift a finger.
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