Yesterday I Cried. I Did.

Saturday, January 14, 2012



for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished,
only to give them away to people in circumstances,
which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for me to do is cry.


Then the tears washed away obscure ideas, some bitterness, the feeling of mediocrity and being useless, frustrations and unmet expectations. My goals once again became clear. My thoughts more rational. My emotions stable. I have regained my feeling of self-worth. I am now more focused on what I want to achieve, how I want to achieve them. I no longer complain that I do not have enough time. I know all I have to do is give time.


The book Yesterday, I Cried is a gift from a dear friend who I finally gave time to meet up after 6 years of rescheduling. I told her that I could not progress with the book. I'm somehow stuck with the poem. Because every time I read the poem, I just want to savor all the unpleasant experiences in my life.


This morning as I was writing this entry, I opened the book once again. Turned to the last page of the book where she wrote a dedication:


                  Dear Roselle,


                               Just another tool for your life's journey.
                        This book clearly celebrates the many reasons
                        for living and loving joyfully -- but first, healing.

                                                                                Best,
                                                                                   Anne
                                                                                  7.Apr.11



Now I understand why I am not making any progress with this book and with my life. I am so consumed with hatred and pain. Somehow dwelling on them gives me a masochistic satisfaction. I am so entertained by the idea that I have some drama in life.


I must move on.
I must grow up.
But first, I need to heal.


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12 scribbles

  1. Roselle,

    Dwelling on the past hinders growth. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?

    Somehow, you know what you need or want to do. It's all up to you to go forward or linger in the past.

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  2. Time heals all wounds. My dad taught me from a young age to always be optimistic! Don't give up, things will get better. In the mean time, focus on things you feel passionate about like writing, a new hobby, anything really <3

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    Replies
    1. writing, painting and zumba is making me busy and happy :)

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  3. Lovely poem. I'm glad you've realized something through it. Anyways, you could try reading more positive books like Chicken Soup for the soul. They really help. :) I wish you the best and I hope you enjoy life <3

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  4. I'm sure great blessings are coming your way my dear. Stay strong and I'm glad to hear your positive reflections from the things you'd been through. Remember, when we're flat on our backs, there is no way to look but up:)

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  5. One word, "Heartwarming" God bless you

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  6. Healing takes time. I know you could do it sooner or later. Lovely word construction. :)

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  7. healing is the first step in moving on - so true...you can't live life to the fullest if you have a heavy heart

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  8. In life, we are bound to get hurt. But the wounds in the soul takes much longer time to get healed... because of our own doing. It's better to pour out our soul to our Creator so He can replace sadness with acceptance, forgiveness, hope for a better tomorrow and joy because He never left us on our pain.

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  9. We all experience heartbreak and dealing on how to move on is really hard but I know you will.

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  10. Stop dwelling in the past, press forward towards the prize! :)

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  11. Healing takes time, and it's but natural to grieve. But don't dwell on it for too long.

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