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You were my first.

I was feeling a little foolish then and was with so much curiosity. I must admit I was kinda nervous at first because I do not know if this will ever work out.

But you were just perfect for me.

It felt like we have known each other for ages. I need not find my way around. You showed me the way in a manner that seemed like I have known where every path will take me.

You offered me your pages, and I filled them with my innermost thoughts. You know my darkest secret, my deepest fear, my cuts that won't heal. We shared my happiest moment, my triumphs, my fall.

I have met others along the way. Not that I have intentionally searched for somebody else to take your place. They seem to offer me something I have been looking for. Although I am not really sure what I am looking for. Some were able to lure me. Fooled me many times. But I always find myself returning to my first love. Realizing that I still yearn for you.

Then I met him. 

He was everything you are and more. I found myself trying to be with you as often as I am with him. But as days passed by, I know I am pouring out more of myself to him than with you. At times, I would tell myself that in a few months I'll grow tired of him and I'll be running back to your welcoming embrace. Like I always did.

He is passion. You are love. 

I do not want to give either up. But the rain of guilt is pouring down on me. It's flooding in and I could barely breath.

You must know by now though no one has told you.

I am falling too far.

I am falling too deep.

Soon, I will leave.

(a farewell to my tabulas. and you.)

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