Sayaw

Sayaw

Tuesday, July 4

Minsan, sa tagal na ng pagsasama sa kahit anong klaseng relationship dumadating yung pagkakataon na nagkakatamaran na. Para kasing ang monotonous na. Yung mga bagay na naeenjoy nyong gawin together, nakakairita na. Ang ipokrita ko kung sabihin ko na kahit minsan di namin naranasan yan. 

Naging mag-boyfriend kami ng asawa ko nung 15 years old pa lang kami. So ngayon, 25 years na kami together. May mga araw dati na wala na kami halos mapag-usapan. We would spend hours together na may kanya-kanyang pinaglilibangan. Eto yung mga panahon na parang madaling sabihin na "ayawan na!"

Yung parents ko, 10 years sila mag boyfriend/girlfriend bago sila nagpakasal. Parang kwento din namin mag-asawa. Sila nga yung naging inspirasyon ko. Sila kase yung magandang halimbawa ng "commitment" at "forever". Alam ko may mga ups and downs din ang relationship nila. Pero they always find a way to make the relationship work.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002. Nawindang ako. Feeling ko kase, yung mga nanay di pwedeng magkasakit. Financially and emotionally challenging yung mga panahon na yun. Buti na lang my parents have always been financially prepared for their health and retirement. Nalampasan ang pagsubok na yan pero after 8 years, bumalik ang cancer. This time, natalo si mommy sa laban. 

April 2016, my dad was hospitalized. It was supposed to be a simple operation kaso nagkaroon ng complications. Our hospital bill was P379,000 for his 14 days confinement. Nakakabaliw di ba? Buti na lang ang daddy ko, may health insurance. Paano na kung wala? We brought him home and his rehabilitation continued at home for two months. Akala namin okay na ang lahat. Seven months later, balik hospital na naman. Six days lang na-confine si daddy. P125,000. Sumunod na eksena, I was "shopping" for a casket. Again, dahil sa life insurance naman ni daddy, di man nabawasan ang sakit sa dibdib dala ng kanyang pagkamatay, hanggang sa huling sandali he made sure na it's not financially burdensome for us na naiwan.

Nung napanood ko ang Sayaw ng Sun Life Sun Shorts, naantig ang puso ko eh. It was like watching the story of my parents lalo na nung time na nagkasakit si mommy. Yung 8 more years na binigay ni God para makasama pa namin sya, sulit na sulit. The family spent as much quality time as we can. Yung mga bagay na binalewala na namin, nabigyan ulit namin ng halaga. Nakakalungkot na wala sila, pero di mabigat sa loob dahil walang "what ifs" at "sana".

Di pa huling magsimula ulit. Ano'ng kwento mo?

http://brighterlife.com.ph/sunshorts/

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Turning The Page

Turning The Page

Friday, February 3

I hate the word "single" but I have decided to leave you before I start hating myself for loving you to a point of being stupid. We shared the same passion for arts and music. We loved crossword puzzles and scrabble. We stayed at the couch the whole day just being quiet and not get bored. We made fun of each other and laugh until our bellies ache and our eyes welled up with tears. But with each year that went by, I noticed that you laughed less often when we were together.

We agreed to pretend to be in a relationship until someone comes along. I know I'll never meet mine because it's you that I want. I sometimes wonder why you never learned to love me in a romantic level. Why is it easier for you to pretend you love me? 

Lately I have been haunted by the possibility that you'd be leaving me soon. I was at the coffee shop yesterday and a familiar sound made me look your way. You were laughing with her over something trivial and I felt a sharp pierce in my heart. We used to be like that.

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. 

It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

I can feel that this chapter of our lives is coming to a close. You were the Mr. Right for me. Sadly, I wasn't the right one for you. I wish that all may go well with you. I pray the same for me.

I must turn the page so that the story of my life will continue. Without you.

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Wok With Yan And Other 80s Television Childhood Memories

Wok With Yan And Other 80s Television Childhood Memories

Thursday, December 29

Who among you still remember Wok With Yan? Watching the cooking show of Stephen Yan was one of my family's favorite bonding activity during weekends. It was only today that I learned from wikipedia that this was a Canadian television show. My favorite part of the show was when Stephen let the audience taste the dishes he prepared. I will definitely enjoy watching a rerun of this show!

Here's a video of Stephen cooking Beef and Broccoli

MacGyver

image: http://www.macgyveronline.com/

How resourceful can you get? I have been fascinated by MacGyver's ability to turn ordinary things into useful non-violent weapon to bail him out from any situation. He proved that Swiss Army Knife and duct tape were his ever reliable ally. MacGyver was played by Richard Dean Anderson and was aired on tv from 1985 - 1992.

The Wonder Years

image: http://flickr.com/photos/alan-light/211181782/

The main reason why I loved The Wonder Years was Fred Savage. The television show is about the life and struggles of a typical American teen boy from a middle class family. A plot most of us could relate. 

As I get older, I spend less and less time watching the television. I'm glued to my laptop and find ways to get entertained online. My "born in the 80s" readers, what were your favorite television shows back then?

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Change The Way You See Happiness

Change The Way You See Happiness

Friday, August 26

While other people are very secretive with their age, I am proud and excited to be forty this September. The idea of getting old is bittersweet. It's something to celebrate because there are those who die young. It is also something that reminds me that I'm slowly inching towards pushing up daisies. 

I've been in a reflective mood every now and then. Looking back at the past decades of my life, how do I see happiness?

Happiness is my twin. We arrived on earth the same day I inhaled my first breath outside my mother's womb. As a baby I have no idea what happiness means. But I know it was something I gave my parents. Me being born made a wonderful difference in their life.

Happiness is knowing a child is waiting for you at home after a long day at work. It is the smile that greets you as you enter the door. It is the hug that says, "I miss you. I'm glad you are now home." It is the discovering of new things. It is the first word, the first step, the first vacation. 

Playtime with my siblings and cousins

As a child, happiness is creating memories with the people I love.

Growing up has changed my definition of happiness. It is being famous in school because you are either beautiful or intelligent. It means being able to do "cool stuff" with your friends. Happiness is being noticed by your crush. 

As a teenager, happiness is feeling good about myself.

University life was tough. It was when I had to prove everybody that I deserve the Accountancy Major slot I was given. Being beautiful or famous do not matter this time. Happiness means passing the qualifying exams. It means marching at the PICC after four years while crying because I am now part of the Thomasian Alumni. 

Happiness means getting hired while still reviewing for the board examination. It means climbing the corporate ladder and enjoying the perks of success.

As a career woman, happiness is being an achiever.

Getting married to my boyfriend of 12 years is one of the best things that happened in my life. Last April, we celebrated our 12 years of marriage. That's a total of twenty four years of being together. We've got our share of ups and downs. We still don't agree on a lot of things. But happiness is waking up next to this man every morning. It is the feeling of being loved in spite of my shortcomings. 

As a wife, happiness is having someone who looks beyond my imperfections.

Happiness cannot have only one definition. It is the sum of all the experiences in every phase of our life that has made us what we are today. I still have a long way to go. I want to capture every moment that will define my happiness with Huawei P9. Huawei P9’s camera is co-engineered with Leica. It has dual lenses that produces high quality photos and allow users to take amazing monochrome, slo-mo, colored, light painting photos among others. Mobile Photography has made me share in an instant snaps of my gastronomic indulgence, travels and adventures to the world through my social media accounts and my blog. 

Let's keep the positive energy flowing. Share with me a moment in your life that defines happiness. 

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Do You Know Your Ikigai?

Do You Know Your Ikigai?

Tuesday, August 9

It's a rainy Tuesday and I was lazily lying on my bed when suddenly I thought of browsing my 2015 Belle de Jour Power Planner. Written on my 2015 financial goals were monetize my blog and have a freelance work. My blog has been earning a few cents on Google Adsense but I didn't land any freelance work last year. The reason why I was a bit depressed during the last few weeks of 2015 and the first week of 2016. 

When I received my personalized BDJ planner last year, I was so excited to fill in the pages. The most difficult part for me though was answering the question, "What's your Ikigai?" That part of the planner remained empty except for the three words I wrote under "That Which You Love".

What is Ikigai?

Ikigai is the reason why you get up in the morning. For me, it is the reason why I am excited to get up in the morning. I used to waste my life away staying in bed all day. For months I've been suffering from depression. 

Then..

Are you doing something that you love? Hmm.. I think so.

Is it something that the world needs? I don't know.

Are you good at it? I'd like to think I am.

Can you be paid for it? Hopefully.

Now..

Are you doing something that you love? Yes!

Is it something that the world needs? Definitely!

Are you good at it? I am and I keep getting better.

Can you be paid for it? I am paid for it!

PSST.Ph is the best thing that happened to me in January. I was broke and I was almost convinced that although I love what I am doing, I am not good enough to get paid for doing it. I was not even sure I'm fit for the freelance job offered. I just grabbed the opportunity and see how far it will take me. I'm on my 7th month with PSST and I am so blessed to be #PartOfTheStory

Have you been in the same situation I was months ago? Devote time to reflect and answer the questions to know your Ikigai. 

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Nothing A Red Lipstick Can't Fix

Nothing A Red Lipstick Can't Fix

Thursday, June 2

Last April was extremely tough. I was physically drained and emotionally exhausted. It was full of what ifs and whys. I was fighting not to fall back into the pit of depression. May was better. And then another one hit me. I wish I could elaborate but this is something I've been keeping to myself for years and I can't share just yet. 

I have been into stress eating for weeks and gained the weight I worked hard to shed off for months. I promised myself to get back in shape come June and yesterday while I was putting on my plate every dessert available on the buffet, I realized it is already June! 

This morning I woke up very early. I stayed in bed for two more hours lazily browsing my phone. I turned off the airconditioner and the heat slowly filled the room. Something to force me to get up. I then went downstairs and checked the fridge. I saw leftover pizza. I love leftover pizza. Popped a slice in the oven and while waiting for it, I remember I bought a MAC lipstick yesterday. 

So this is an #iwokeuplikethis photo except that I put a lipstick on. I'm not really into red lipsticks but I thought I need one to brighten up on days like these. I say I made a good choice with Relentlessly Red. Felt a bit better now. :)

I wonder, what gives men comfort?

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The Bad Joke

The Bad Joke

Thursday, April 21

I once said a joke that I thought was harmless and funny. It turned out to be a bad joke. I was too proud to admit it was a bad joke. I don't even believe I should be sorry. It was a joke. It should be funny. Why are people so pikon?

Hours later, I realized (admitted) it was a bad joke. A joke that was hurtful. Insulting. Insensitive.

Is sorry enough?

Yes.

But it should be sincere. Not the kind of sorry just to appease someone.

I am an educated person. I know I was raised well by my parents. But I am not perfect. Some parts of me are rotten. I make awful mistakes. Pride makes it difficult for me to be sorry right away. But when I do, it comes from the heart. 

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Roselle Writes At PSST.Ph

Roselle Writes At PSST.Ph

Monday, March 28

I never thought that a job posting on facebook will change my outlook for 2016. I started the year feeling depressed. The inevitable truth that I'm turning 40 and the lack of significant achievement made me restless. I almost considered giving the corporate world another try just to prove to myself that I still can compete in the rat race.

When Kathy posted on a blogger group that she needs writers, I was a bit hesitant to submit sample articles. Me? Writer? Nahiya naman ako. But a few days before I saw the job post, I prayed to God that He direct me to the right path. With hesitation, I e-mailed Kathy.  

When opportunity knocks, don't let fear hold you back. Open the door and embrace the opportunity that has come forth.

One of the articles I published on PSST.Ph is A Letter To My Almost Lover. I wrote this years ago and was lodged on draft. I was so delighted when it got 79 facebook shares.

Excerpt:

In the past years, I’ve been a prisoner of our happy place. I frequent it a lot. I bet you don’t. I’ve got a feeling you don’t even think about me anymore. But you cross my mind at least once a day. Everyday. There are times when I wonder — what if? But it’s too messy and complicated. Ours is something that started with a web of lies. It will never work out. 

Read more: http://www.psst.ph/my-happy-place-no-more/

An article about an advocacy close to my heart, Biliary Atresia: Stories of Filipino Families Racing Against Time To Raise Funds got 293 facebook shares and 4,139 views.

Read more: http://www.psst.ph/biliaryatresia/

I must be doing something right! I have never been happier. I love the team at PSST.Ph. It feels like belonging to a family. Everybody is encouraging and supportive. I'm also proud of the team's achievement in the past two months.

We don't just write. We write sensible articles. No gossips. No misleading titles. We believe that the intelligent people who are into the new media deserve articles that are worth reading. We also encourage you to be #partofthestory. Interact with us through the comment section of each article.

Visit us at http://www.psst.ph/

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Choices: Deliver or Make Excuses

Choices: Deliver or Make Excuses

Friday, March 4

Blogging has exposed me to different kind of people. While I have met sincere people who eventually became my friends, there are those who reveal their true colors as time passes by. I have learned to keep reminding myself that some people were just raised differently.

"To give real service, 

you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, 

and that is sincerity and integrity." Douglas Adams

A lot of people owe me -- in cash and in kind. Some have the decency to acknowledge and others simply ignore. I admire the honesty of the few. Those who tell the truth instead of making up excuses. You'd be surprised by the fanciness beyond belief of the excuses crafted by some. And the lies they weave just to save their asses. Who doesn't hate liars?! I'd rather you tell me why you can't than tell me bullshit. I value honesty. Recent experience with someone who I thought knows how to conduct business in a professional manner turned out to be a one big disappointment. And though I know I'm capable of running after this person to a point where this person will regret treating me this way, I chose the high road. I've got more sensible things to do than waste my time on a sloth.

integrity. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; 

moral uprightness and sincerity.

I'm not the type who uses my facebook status to publicly shame someone. I simply write them off my life. After all, who needs a person who says one thing yet does another that destroys trust? Keeping promises affects your integrity. Lies are exposed. 

Some people wonder why there are still in deep shit. May be it's about time you assess yourself. Real success is not achieve by cutting corners. You've got to work hard. Work fair. 

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Love Has Ended Before It Began

Love Has Ended Before It Began

Monday, February 29

This will be the last time you are gonna hear from me. I'm not sure if I'll make sense at all. I prefer to leave without saying goodbye but I don't want to be deprived of the opportunity to pour out my thoughts and innermost feelings. And so I opted to write you a letter.

I want you to remember that I will always be grateful for your friendship. Your companionship has helped me make it through the most confusing times of my life. You just don't know how much I looked forward to spending time with you back then. Because being with you made me appreciate the simple things that life could offer.

Thank you for trusting me. I'm too cautious and yet you took me in without questions. Thank you for lending an ear to my unending complaints with how my so-called life sucks. And for never failing to turn my mood around.

Thank you for the tender moments that made me almost fall in love with you. A stupid feeling which I tried so hard to suppress worrying that your knowledge of it will scare you away. You know I could not afford to risk the friendship. And I'm sane enough to know that the gap between us is just to wide to fill.

I must throw away every memory or I'll be forever bonded with what has been. I must erase the path that leads me to someone I shouldn't even dream to be with in the first place. It is really foolish of me to make myself believe that your kindness translates to something romantic. It is crazier to keep on hoping that we could be together.

Things are somehow getting better at my end.

I wish you well.

*first published in Tabulas 07 Sept 2006

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Why The Best In Costume Award Means A Lot

Why The Best In Costume Award Means A Lot

Sunday, February 21

Wearing a costume has been in my bucketlist for the longest time. For years I have waited for the perfect moment to do it. And on my 39th year on earth I was able to walk proudly from the car park to the venue donning a dark angel costume.

This was during the Glamour Monzters Zumba Fitness Party held last November at Tiendesitas hosted by The Philippine Twiinz Alec and Manny. But this article is not about that.

This is about my dream of becoming a volleyball player (or at least learn how to play volleyball). I had a semester of volleyball class in the university but sadly wasn't able to experience playing a real game. I remember feeling excited when I found out that I'll be having volleyball for PE in UST. When I was in grade 4, I convinced my dad to buy me a Mikasa volleyball. I brought it to school hoping I'd learn to play. But I ended up sitting on the bleachers watching my classmates play using my ball. They know how to play. I have a ball. Go figure. Fast forward to college, I discovered PE is not really taken seriously. I think I earned a 2.25 grade in volleyball without really learning how to play. Well at least I can say I deserved all my 1.25 grades in my law subjects. Ergo, I'm not the athletic type.

When my dear friends Alec and Manny (Oh, I really feel super proud typing the word friends hihi!) invited me to the Business Mirror Health & Fitness Z Party (read more about it HERE) and I found out it's a sports themed zumba party, I was ecstatic. I knew right away what to wear. I'll be a dancing volleyball player! Oh wow! Perfect marriage of two things I am not good at! Haha!! I've got my favorite UST shirt, black skimpy shorts, knee high socks (I loved this fashion statement when DLSU first wore knee high socks at the Shakeys V-League during the time of Manila Santos... yeah, many years ago!). 

Business Mirror Health & Fitness awarded me Best in Costume. And like Pia Wurtzbach was deprived of her victory walk, I wasn't able to receive my certificate on the stage in front of the 250 enthusiasts standing as witnesses. I had to leave before the awarding because my left contact lens got so dry it popped out. And I was not really expecting to win. I was there to have fun while getting fit. And di talaga ako masyadong prepared. Hahaha!!! On the brighter side, I had a solo moment with Zin Alec and Zin Manny at Gold's Gym Marikina yesterday for the awarding ceremony :)

There are dreams I have growing up. Some were achieved, some are still achievable and some are worth not pursuing but were replaced by other dreams. I will never be a volleyball player but I discovered I can do a little tennis. And if dressing up for two hours opened up the opportunity for me to become a volleyball player, then why not?!

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Lazy Monday After Valentine's Day

Lazy Monday After Valentine's Day

Monday, February 15

Dozed off at 3am and I knew I'd be totally feeling lazy this Monday morning. Yesterday, I spent the first half of Valentine's Day cleaning the house. Then slept for 3 hours late in the afternoon. That's the reason I was wide awake last night.

How did you spend your Valentine's day? Me and hubby never go on a date on this day because we both hate the traffic and overly crowded restaurants. I'm also not the bouquet of roses type of girl. I'd be happy if you give me something edible or useful.

We had KFC for dinner. They had a free delivery Valentine's Day promo. Since I saved forty pesos for the delivery fee, I bought an extra large gravy. That's the downside of not dining at the restaurant. You won't be able to indulge on the bottomless KFC gravy. Oh I remember how sad I was when I went to a KFC restaurant in Singapore. They do not have gravy. That made me realized life will be a struggle if I choose to live there.

I've seen too many marriage proposals yesterday on my facebook timeline. One couple set the record to be the first to have a marriage proposal at the newly-opened Venice Grand Canal in McKinley.  And then there's also an allegedly suicide around 7pm in Megamall. The girl they said ran towards the railing and jumped off from the 4th floor. Probably the universe's way of balancing love and grief.

I resolve to write regularly on this blog. Best day to start a resolution I think. Monday. And I'm feeling super lazy. Nice combination. Monday + Lazy = Bound To Fail. So this will be a great challenge for me.

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Kalyeserye Inspired Family Reunion

Kalyeserye Inspired Family Reunion

Monday, January 4

After almost a year of preparation for the Carlos Clan Reunion, members of our families gathered at the Plenary Hall of the Marikina Convention Center last January 3. It is our clan's tradition to hold a reunion every first Sunday of January. The family has been doing this since 1977.

I am super proud to belong to the Carlos Clan of Marikina. The attendance was overwhelming. I must admit that facebook has helped us to connect with each other. Now that's using social media productively! There are also relatives from abroad who arrived.

My Lola Lily with "Alden"

Since most of the Carlos family members are into Eat Bulaga and Kalyeserye, we decided to have a #Kalyeserye inspired reunion. Even our raffle items include Nescafe, Hanabishi and O+ USA cellphone.

Here's a video of the dance presentation of the host family Lucio Carlos :)

Maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga kaangkan na tumulong upang maging matagumpay ang ating taunan na pagtitipon. Maraming salamat din sa lahat na naglaan ng oras para dumalo.

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What Do You Fear?

What Do You Fear?

Sunday, January 3

This hedgehog is my cousin's pet. Nobody dared touch him all those months we've been having reunion meetings because we fear of getting pricked by his spines. Last night was our final meeting for the grand reunion of our clan and finally the hedgehog was taken out of his house.

The kids played with him. Still I didn't attempt to touch him.

We all have fears. It's normal. What isn't normal is when we let our fears hinder us from what we are supposed to do.

Don't let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen.

I always remind myself of what my former boss told me. He challenged me to do at least one thing every month that scares me. He said I'd be surprised that what I fear is all in the mind.

What do you fear?

If you ask me, I fear failure. 

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Sweet Success

Sweet Success

Saturday, January 2

Sweet Success.

Maja is a dessert that somehow reminds me of my mom. Why? Because I can't remember if she was able to perfectly cooked this in her lifetime. As for me, I never attempted. This is one of my favorite desserts because it is not too sweet and I love anything with corn.

I was given a maja "ready mix". Honestly, I fear using those kind of products because most of the time, they taste fake. But I gave this one a try for three reasons. First, I'd rather fail than never try. Second, help was given and I acknowledge I need help. And third, I love maja.

There are things in my life that I've been attempting to be successful at but fail. From the mundane to the magnificent. Though I know I'd get hurt trying and failing, I will still choose to try.

It is also very humbling to admit that sometimes we need help. Somehow I've improved on this aspect. I used to do everything on my own. I don't like group assignments. I don't like to delegate. Until I got burned out. It was when I finally admitted that I can't do it on my own all the time. I need help. 

We don't give up on what we love. No matter how we try to ignore, not a day passes by that we don't think of it. Just like the maja, whenever I see a photo or dine in a restaurant serving maja, memories of failed maja attempts and the urge to try and learn how to cook this haunt me.

“If it's still in your mind, it is still in your heart.” - Paulo Coelho

PS.

The maja I cooked was perfect.

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Today Is The Beginning Of Anything You Want

Today Is The Beginning Of Anything You Want

Friday, January 1

Today is the beginning of anything you want.

I know I could start any day. But there's something about January 1 that convinces me it makes more sense to venture into something new. Or continue what I've started.

2015 was better that 2014. Although I can't remember most of what happened in 2014. I just feel like 2015 was better. I've reached some goals I set. There are disappointments. Mostly on things I have no control of. Which makes it very frustrating. Because I can't do anything about it. 

For 2016, I want to do something life changing. Something daring. Something different. I want to challenge myself more. 

I want to be better than I was in all aspects. 

I want a life of "want to" and not "have to".

I want to be in charge.

After all, this is my LIFE.

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The Three People You Meet In Heaven

The Three People You Meet In Heaven

Thursday, October 1

“Life has to end. Love doesn't.”

I browsed my album to take a snap of this photo. Today is my cousin Rommel's birthday and I wanna post a ridiculously funny throwback photo of him. This is one of my favorite pictures. My intention was to make fun of us. He was yawning here and I was holding suman.

My mom made up a funny story here. She said my cousin was so hungry and was hoping I'll insert a whole suman in his mouth but I was too selfish to share.

And then I cried.

Really cried. I'm actually crying as I compose this.

Suddenly I realized it was only the two of us left. And once again I can't comprehend why they were not privileged to live longer. (and all my family members who had to go way too soon than everybody else.) 

I realized that our family has lost so much in the last five years. We were not allowed to fully grieve yet before someone is taken away again. Eight people in 5 five years! 

This will always be my favorite photo of us. You were yawning. I was holding suman. Unaware that they will be gone sooner than we wanted.

This photo makes me both happy and sad.

And thankful for still having those we get to spend time with.

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The Reason

The Reason

Tuesday, September 29

She didn't leave you for making too many mistakes.
She left because you made the same mistake
too many times.

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A Morbid Peter Pan Twist

A Morbid Peter Pan Twist

There may be a reason why no one grew up in Neverland.

Peter Pan was an Angel of Death that held kids hand when on their way to heaven (Neverland). That's why they never grew up. All those kids were dead.

(I just so this on Pinterest. And it made sense to me.)

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How To Start Your Monday Right

How To Start Your Monday Right

Monday, July 27

We always see facebook posts of people who can't wait for Friday to come and dread the idea of Monday. Shouldn't we be thankful for Mondays? Wouldn't it be great to start the week with a positive attitude? 

I opened my Belle de Jour Power Planner this morning to pen my schedule for August (yeah, usually a week advance) and update the list for this week. I woke up today with a bad headache carried over from yesteday. I wanna be cranky but then I read this when I opened Week 31..

"I can be in a good mood or in a bad mood.

The choice is always mine."

What's your choice?

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